Day # 1 - Introduction to the Count Your Blessings Year

I have had a generalized aversion to Christmas cards and letters.  (Not really the cards, but the letters that come with everything rosy and perfect at everyone's house, everyone's house except mine, that is.)  A while back, one of  my step-daughters remarked about a family, "They are just too perfect."  My husband and I both replied that no one is without challenges, and that this family was no different.  I reflected on this conversation and wondered if this was part of my challenges with holiday letters.

I realized that my paradigm on holiday cards was one of avoidance, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  I've struggled with depression for many years now.  Never mind the reasons that I did/do, those are not really important to this experiment.  The reasons are there, they are real, and they have been with me for a while.

With the advent of a new year, I've been thinking about what it is that I want to accomplish this year.  There are several things that I want to have happen, certainly.  What I want to accomplish this year is to beat the looming darkness that seems to always be threatening me.  Realizing that I can't really change all of the triggers of this, I know that I need to change my perceptions.  By doing so, I can change the way I see things.

I thought about the paradigm of the people that send out the cheery letters and decided that rather than approach my daily life as though there is a target on my back, that I would acknowledge that there are people that are actively trying to destroy me, my family and my happiness.  They are there, real, and don't need my help to do so.  I am going into an intense self-designed program - the daily acknowledgement of my blessings and the good that I can find in the world, myself, my family and friends.

Daily may seem a bit much, but I know that it takes a lot to change a habit.  I will only be able to dismiss the pain and panic of the past by intensive work.  I invite you to join me on this journey.  If you feel like following, feel free.  If you feel like commenting, feel free.  If you don't like a "Pollyanna" point of view, you may not like this at all.

So, for Day #1 -

My blessing to be grateful for this day is that in spite of it all, I am loved by my family - my husband, children, step-children and parents.